I can’t quite put into words all the feelings and emotions I have been through this year.

Alhamdulilah I got engaged on January 26th, in the most memorable and perfect way mashallah. I always had this idea, that once you’re engaged, your family would be so happy for you, and everyone would be so excited about planning the wedding. However, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more distant from my family than I have done since getting engaged.

My family live approximately 4hrs away, however, I’m in touch often via messenger, text and phone. Planning a wedding when you live so far away from them was probably the hardest things emotionally I’ve ever done. In this time, I couldn’t help but feel that my parents were rarely in contact, they didn’t want to contribute towards the wedding, when I asked for help they barely pulled a finger out. Although, my Mum was excited in her own way and wanted to be involved in picking my dress. A lot of the time, it was out of site, out of mind.

In the last few years, I’ve hung out and made friends with a lot of Asian people, Pakistani and Bengali mostly – they’re part of my Muslim friendship group. When someone in their family or friends are getting married, it’s a big deal, everyone is happy for them and they’re celebrated constantly. For something that we should do as part of our deen, I really thought my parents would be a lot happier and more supportive towards my decision.

My whole life, my parents told me that I am only to marry a Muslim, it doesn’t matter where they are from, they just have to be Muslim. What they failed to mention was that they had a lot more other expectations – which I only started to learn about once I was engaged. How is this fair?

Every telephone conversation I had with them right up until about September, was very negative towards my at the time future husband and his family. It made me question whether I had made the right decisions, so close up until the wedding. It’s not fair that this happens 10 weeks before you’re due to marry.

This is why the rule of not introducing your husband or wife to be until you’re ready to Marry to your parents doesn’t work in this situation. They probably met my husband may 3/4 times before we got married. I don’t understand where they thought this might be different, knowing I live so far from them.

However, my parents being so negative and what felt like very un supportive towards my decisions only reassured me more that I was marrying the right person. When it came to about 2 weeks before the wedding, my family were a lot more excited than I had seen them all year. I was happier generally, because I was so excited about the big day.

The day went amazingly well, despite how tight the schedule was. I was probably the most happiest that day Alhamdulilah. My parents were on good form, and I realise that it must be hard for my father to ‘Let me go’ to another man, but it’s not like that, he’s still my Dad and no one EVER will stop me seeing my family. I think Women in Islam, need to remember, that yes you have married into a new Family, but your family is still your family and if you want to see them, no one should stop you.

I don’t think I will ever forget how my family made me feel this year, yes I should forgive and I hope in time I will but I’m going to try and learn from this for my future children InshAllah.

May Allah grant us ease and help us to forgive. Ameen